Background
My story begins with
my parents, both from different parts of the World. My Mother’s side of
the family consists of mostly Hindus or Radhaa Swamis, who all have a
lot of respect for Sikhi. My Grandmother gave birth to seven daughters,
of which the first five were married in India. The remaining two, the
youngest being my mother, were married abroad to English born husbands.
My
Father’s side of the family were Sikh. His parents were Amritdhari
(baptised) and I’ve been told that my Grandmother was an incredible
woman who inspired many around her, but I never got to meet her as she
passed away before I was born. My Grandfather then remarried and from
two wives he had six sons and three daughters, none of whom are
religious now.
It wouldn’t be an understatement to say my Father is a terrible human
being. He was very aggressive and short tempered, and would pursue
women of the night (even after marriage). If he wasn’t drunk on the
streets, he was sober in jail. He would beat my Mother on many occasions
and in those days domestic violence was always kept secret. My Mother
was forced to endure this, she was virtually alone with nowhere to run.
She tells me today that her Faith in God was what kept her going, and by
reading Gurbani or doing seva at the Gurdwara she kept her spirits
high. She had the opportunity to take Amrit when she came to England,
but the issue with my Father prevented her from doing so. His constant
affairs forced us to move town, from Derby to Wolverhampton, but he
still didn’t stop. It was only when my Mother found out he got another
woman pregnant, that she decided to divorce him. By this time she had
given birth to four children, three girls and a boy… Me!
My
Mother worked hard to raise four children and keep the home, often
working 15 hours a day. Poverty, as you can imagine, was very much in our
lives at the time. During the hardest times of the divorce my sisters
decided to rebel. The oldest two left the house to live with my Father,
thinking it would give them more freedom. They were incredibly naive to
think a man like that could take care of them, and Mother never let them
back in the house as her heart was broken. I never saw them again until
my eldest sister got Cancer; her funeral, 1st November 1998, brought
the family together for at least one day. Even after this, my mother
kept the Faith.
Later my mother remarried a guy from India, as
she was harassed by many for being a single Asian mother. He wears a
turban but isn’t a baptised Sikh, and struggled to play the “father
role” if I’m honest. It was just me and my sister left in the house, and
instead of understanding my Mother’s struggles she did exactly the same
as my older two sisters and left the house in 2008. It was just me, my
Mother and my Stepdad left.
I felt the need to mention all this, because it’s becoming increasingly common story for many children of my generation.
My StoryMy story really begins when I became
a teenager. Many would say I was a rather weird child, who loved to
laugh and joke a lot, never taking anything too serious. All my cousins
kept their hair as kids, but cut it when they were older. As a result,
my hair was cut from birth. I was a bright kid who spoke a lot in class,
never violent but always disruptive. Mother forced me to go to Punjabi
school as a child but I never really felt anything when I went to the
Gurdwara. Looking back at it you could say that I lost faith at a young
age, and at my school hardly anyone was Religious.
I was
carefree and there wasn’t really any depth to my personality. Sometimes
my comments would be offensive, but if they made me laugh I would keep
on saying them. When I turned sixteen years old I was about six feet
tall, which in my family meant I was the age to start drinking. I never
smoked, but the moment I had my first taste of alcohol I knew this was a
feeling I’d like to experience again. It was at my Nephew’s first
birthday party where my Mother found out I was drinking, where I simply
drank until I lost consciousness (lousy open bar). Even now my cousins
make fun of me, but at that moment in time I was “enjoying life” even
with vomit all over me. Mother was disappointed and told me I should
stop now, but what sixteen year old listens to their Mother?
I
would continue to drink at family functions and when I became of the
legal age, I would drink with my friends at the local park. I would
drink a lot of Whiskey, not because of the taste, only because my body
could take a lot of it - and apparently the more you drank the more of a
“man” you were. I would also drink a lot of Strongbow Super because it
got me drunk faster. When I got a part-time job catering at Asian
weddings, free alcohol became incredibly easy to get. The more I drank,
the more I just wanted to get drunk and forget the World.
As time
went on I found myself falling into a deep hole and kept on using
alcohol to escape, sometimes even drinking alone, but as you can imagine
this only made things worse. I would put on a face at school but my
relations with people weren’t always the best. At home, I would argue
with my Mother a lot and at one point I felt so low that I reached for
some pills and just decided to call it quits. I’m still here, so it was a
failed attempt, but I was still slipping. I had a girlfriend at the
time who I forced to suffer with me, I was pretty hard to tolerate and
our rocky relationship made me want to drink more. My sister who hadn’t
moved out yet was a nightmare to live with and was confrontational
almost every day, which made me bottle up a lot of my emotion. At school
my grades would suffer because I just lacked the will to go on, life at
this point seemed rather pointless.
But then, as if out of
nowhere, I bumped into some Sikhs! My neighbour and his family were
practising Sikhs and had good relations with my Mother. I started to
play football with one of their sons who treated me like a little
brother. Due to my social habits I wasn’t very good (mostly fitness
reasons) but I got introduced to a lot of other Sikhs in the community
as well. I became good friends with a few who, through general
conversation, got me to go to the Gurdwara again. I noticed something in
their lives that I didn’t have, and felt the need to explore.
When
I turned nineteen in 2007 I finished Highschool and got into University
of Wolverhampton to study Mathematics. Staying in my hometown meant I
didn’t go clubbing because my Mother hated me staying out late at night,
so instead I would attend local Sikh events such as “Saint Souldier
Youth Forums”, which in hindsight came at the perfect time. At
University my mentality changed and I started to use my brain a lot
more, viewing life and my actions in a more logical manner. At the
Forums I met many inspirational people who asked questions that I had no
response to. For example; “What is your life purpose?” The more I
explored, the happier I felt, and as time went on I started questioning
my own actions such as drinking alcohol, eating meat, and the lack of
respect I had for my own Mother. It was like I woke up from a bad dream
and felt like a brand new person. With God’s grace I left my catering
job and gave up alcohol for good. My friends were surprised and kept
asking whether I was tempted to drink again, I could honestly say I had
no more desire to get drunk! I wanted to keep my hair, but that took
more time due to vanity issues (my beard only grew on one side of my
face).
As time went on I felt guilty and upset when I shaved, so
around April 2008 I stopped cutting my hair. I’m one of those people
that find it difficult to do things I know I shouldn’t be doing, which
helped in this transition. Sometimes the mind can be our greatest enemy.
I use to have terrible nightmares that I shaved my beard off, but then
when I woke up I would grab it and thank God for such a beautiful
blessing. Finally, on 16th November 2008 (which was Guru Nanak’s
Gurpurab) I decided to give my head to my Guru and take Amrit. It’s
important to understand that this is the first real step a Sikh can take
in their Spiritual journey, and for me the timing couldn’t be more
perfect.
Just before I took Amrit I faced a huge test in my life
where my lung collapsed. I had just started growing my hair (but hadn’t
taken Amrit) and was hospitalised for about a month. The pain I went
through was unreal but, it was Gurbani that kept me going. My neighbours
came to visit me and one of the conversations we had were about
suffering. I was curious to know, why now? Why, when I’ve decided to
walk a more righteous path must I suffer? To which the response I got
was; “Just think of what you could be going through had you not changed
paths.” And so be it, the glass in my life became half full and has been
ever since.
As my journey continued I got the opportunity to
help run the Forums that inspired me for a short while, and then the
Sikh Society at my old University. I also made a very good Christian
friend who would take me to his Church where I made some very blessed
Christians friends that showed me God’s grace has no limitations. I
enjoy Religion a lot more and explore other faiths, just to see life
through the eyes of other people is what interests most. Sikhi really is
the embodiment of Inter-Faith and its foundations allow for tolerance
and peace towards others.
Final Remarks
It
has now been five years since I took Amrit and I’ve learnt a lot on
this journey. If I could share anything it would be to respect your
parents and understand the sacrifices they have made to bring you into
this World. For me, it took nearly twenty years to finally treat my
Mother with a bit of respect but now she can honestly say she is proud
of me (her words, not mine). I am a tribute to my Mother’s love for me,
and we are both a tribute to Guru Nanak’s love for his Sikhs.
I
do regret my actions like most people would, but I understand they hold
their own purpose and that part of my life was a learning curve that has
given me strong foundations for the rest of my life. Sometimes we all
feel low, but it’s important not to cover up the issue like I did, and
truly understand your own worth. I’m happy now, and have been for many
years. Having good people around you is important, having faith in
yourself is essential. We are blessed beyond measure.
gur kaa sabadh rakhavaarae ||
The Word of the Guru’s Shabad is my Saving Grace.
choukee chougiradh hamaarae ||It is a guardian posted on all four sides around me.
Contact Information
If you have any Questions after reading my story or are at the stage
in your Life where you would like to understand more about your Faith,
then please do not hesitate to get in touch. Will accept Facebook friend
requests but please message me first.
Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh!
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Dhan Hai Guru! Dhan Hai Teree Sikhee!
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