Tuesday, April 11, 2006

I Want to Take Amrit, But MY PARENTS!


Below is a post from a forum from a young person who wants to take Amrit but he doesn't know how to tell his parents, fearing they will say 'No':
Author: 123
Date: 03-08-06 13:43

I have not taken Amrit yet and am planning too but have not told my parents and I don't think they even think/suspect anything...

When should I tell them - a week before Amrit Sanchaar or when I'm asking to get the Kirpan?

How would I break it out to them (tell them)?

I'm only 14 1/2 so I feel very strange on how I should ask or tell them.

I'm planning to take Amrit in April, so I got a month left. I can do Nitnem Banian in 1 hour for morning and 15 mins for evening, so no problem with that. It's just that no one is Amritdhari in my family, except my grandparents (on my father's side).

So please help on how I can ask or tell and the questions about.


My response:

SIT DOWN AND DISCUSS
I suggest you sit down with your parents and DISCUSS the ADVANTAGES of taking Amrit. Make sure you sit down when your parents are relaxed and free to chat. Then be OPEN with them.

Ask them “If a young person wishes to take Amrit then WHAT ARE YOUR VIEWS?” Put the ball in THEIR court. Then you need to have POSITIVE illustrations and ROLE MODELS who can show to make your point, i.e.
* Guru HarKrishan Ji was 5 YRS OLD when he received Guruship.
* The YOUNGER SAHIBZAADEY were 5 and 7 years old (or perhaps slightly younger) when receiving Amrit.


Explain what taking Amrit MEANS TO YOU. No parent wants their child to be unhappy. Every parent wants the SUKH (happiness) for their child.


POSSIBLE OPPOSITION
Usually parents who are not into Sikhi themselves find Amritdhari way of life ALIEN. Also sometimes parents have not seen any POSITIVE Amritdhari ROLE MODELS and instead the only Amritdhari they know is a dodgy Gurdwara Pardhaan.

From my personal experience parents think keeping Kesh or taking Amrit will CREATE PROBLEMS which will CAUSE YOU PAIN and SUFFERING. What you have to do is to PROVE THEM WRONG and show them the TRUE REALITY.


COMMON ISSUES PARENTS WILL BE TROUBLED BY
* "If you take Amrit, who will you marry! We don't know any Amritdhari girl/boy. Finding partners is hard enough nowadays, without you taking Amrit!"

Response:

"I understand. However, our circle of people which we know is not Amritdharis. If you start going to Rainsbayees, camps, Gurdwaras and Sikhi events you will realise that THERE ARE FELLOW AMRITDHARI YOUTH and you make your circle of friends with them. If you go to pub, you make those circle of friends. If you go to Gurdwara, you make those circle of friends.

End of the day, WHY WILL MARRIAGE BE A PROBLEM? 1) I want to marry someone who is LIKE-MINDED (i.e. religious), and 2) the Guru's who's path I have chosen the Guru's path who will LOOK AFTER ME - You have nothing to worry about. Leave it to Guru Ji. [Pose the question:] "Do have Faith in Guru Ji?



* "You will find it hard to keep Rehat. We don't want you taking Amrit and then next day taking off your Kirpaan and cutting your hair. Taking Amrit is BIG commitment."

Response:

"Thank you for valuing Amrit and understanding the importance of Rehat. I totally agree with you. I have tried to keep Rehat for "x" amount of time. I can do Nitnem, I can wear my 5 Ks, and I have the SANGAT to SUPPORT me. On top of that I will have the STRENGTH of GURU Ji. I know it’s a commitment and I am willing to make it. I want my life to be of Guru Ji. [Pose the question to them:] "Guru Ji has done so much for us, don't you think it is good that we should do what Guru Ji asks from us and become Guru-Wale?"


CONCLUSION
End of the day your parents are NOT your ENEMIES. They want the BEST for you. You have to demonstrate and explain with SINCERETY, PYAAR and HUMILITY that TAKING AMRIT is the BEST THING for you. Its best if you get them to share their feelings, concerns and worries and you should have the CONFIDENCE to answer those and show them that all you want to do is HOLD ON to Guru Ji's hand and have GURU SAHIB's KIRPAA in your life - that is SUKH and MORE SUKH... Isn't that what all parent's want?
ਅਨਦ ਮੰਗਲ ਗੁਰ ਚਰਣੀ ਲਾਗੇ ਪਾਏ ਸੂਖ ਘਨੇਰੇ ਰਾਮ ॥
anand mangal gur charNee laage, paa-e sookh ghanere raam.
Ecstasy, bliss and great happiness are obtained by grasping hold of the Guru's feet.
(Ang 925)

ਜੋ ਹਮਰੀ ਬਿਧਿ ਹੋਤੀ ਮੇਰੇ ਸਤਿਗੁਰਾ ਸਾ ਬਿਧਿ ਤੁਮ ਹਰਿ ਜਾਣਹੁ ਆਪੇ ॥
jo hamree biDh hotee mere satiguraa, saa biDh tum har jaaNhu aape.
My condition, O my True Guru - that condition, O Lord, is known only to You.

ਹਮ ਰੁਲਤੇ ਫਿਰਤੇ ਕੋਈ ਬਾਤ ਨ ਪੂਛਤਾ ਗੁਰ ਸਤਿਗੁਰ ਸੰਗਿ ਕੀਰੇ ਹਮ ਥਾਪੇ ॥
ham rulte phirte ko-ee baat na poochh-taa, gur satgur sang keere ham thaape.
I was rolling around in the dirt, and no one cared for me at all. In the Company of the Guru, the True Guru, I, the worm, have been raised up and exalted.

ਧੰਨੁ ਧੰਨੁ ਗੁਰੂ ਨਾਨਕ ਜਨ ਕੇਰਾ ਜਿਤੁ ਮਿਲਿਐ ਚੂਕੇ ਸਭਿ ਸੋਗ ਸੰਤਾਪੇ ॥੪॥੫॥੧੧॥੪੯॥
Dhan Dhan guroo naanak jan keraa, jit mili-ai chooke sabh sog santaape. 451149
Blessed, blessed is the Guru of servant Nanak; meeting Him, all my sorrows and troubles have come to an end. 451149
(Ang 167)

14 comments:

Believer said...

paaji
i have a similar problem
its just tht my mum has given me a year to decide which life i wish to live
a punjabi life?
or a sikh life?

i have chosen the sikh life but my given time started this week as i discused with my mum that i was confused because that time i really was
then i visualised the happy face of the amritdharis i had seen at camps and gurdwaras, including yours...

then i visualised the people who were referred as 'jatt sharabi's'
i wish not to be them

then i heard the story of bhai dya singh who had his head chopped off for not obeying rehit ....

should i regard this time as a test???
oh i really am confused :(
if i take amrit i'll be the first and with feel happy that i will break the barrier as my grandparents dispise amritdharis, even though my dads dad has a dastaar :s

MERA RUSSE NA KALGIAA WALE, JUG SARA RUS JAAVE

fateh
(sorry i wrote loads)

Gurfateh

Teji Kaur said...

Guru Fateh Bhaji
U read my mind.I am in thois situation .My whole family wont let me take Amrit and I am very upset.I live full rehat except the 5 ks( I have no problem keeping them thopugh.I want to take it in two days.Ive tried everything.My father said he will handcuff me to my bed because I am willing to sneak out into dark and hop a train to the gurudwara(this is a dangerous thing for a girl my age in NY city to be doing.)I am the only ONE IN MY FAMILY WHO WAKES UP aMRITVELA AND DOES Banis I dont eat meat fish or Egg and I always give dasvanth(I only get 3 dollars a week spewnding money Lol.)I really want Amrit and dont know wat to do.I have tried everyhting.I have had so many Auntis and Uncles fight for me.My parents dont budge!This summer I was in India and I cried really hard because at Anandpur Shaib I missed the chance.My dad did not lewt me find five sikhs even thought he Granth said he would prepare it.That night I dreamed of Guruji giving me Amrit and have considered that real.My heart still wants to be a Khalsa in the worst way.Everytime I hear the shabad Khalsa Mero Roop Hai Khas or the indian song by Hans Raj Hans I start tearing up.I try to convince my self that If I live like a Khalsa and bvelieve and follow the rehit I am a Khalsa in Guru jis eyes.Please pray Ardas for me so I may take Amrit.When I feel said I convince myself that I have it spiritually although I never physically took it.I dont know whetrer I shub believe the Amrit I got in my dream makes me Amrithari.In my heart I feel it does I dont care how stuopid or crazy it may sound it makes sense to me.Please keep in in your Ardas that I may Physically take Amrit.Thank you.
Guru Rakha Sada
Teji Kaur

Teji Kaur said...

Guru Fateh Bhaji
U read my mind.I am in thois situation .My whole family wont let me take Amrit and I am very upset.I live full rehat except the 5 ks( I have no problem keeping them thopugh.I want to take it in two days.Ive tried everything.My father said he will handcuff me to my bed because I am willing to sneak out into dark and hop a train to the gurudwara(this is a dangerous thing for a girl my age in NY city to be doing.)I am the only ONE IN MY FAMILY WHO WAKES UP aMRITVELA AND DOES Banis I dont eat meat fish or Egg and I always give dasvanth(I only get 3 dollars a week spewnding money Lol.)I really want Amrit and dont know wat to do.I have tried everyhting.I have had so many Auntis and Uncles fight for me.My parents dont budge!This summer I was in India and I cried really hard because at Anandpur Shaib I missed the chance.My dad did not lewt me find five sikhs even thought he Granth said he would prepare it.That night I dreamed of Guruji giving me Amrit and have considered that real.My heart still wants to be a Khalsa in the worst way.Everytime I hear the shabad Khalsa Mero Roop Hai Khas or the indian song by Hans Raj Hans I start tearing up.I try to convince my self that If I live like a Khalsa and bvelieve and follow the rehit I am a Khalsa in Guru jis eyes.Please pray Ardas for me so I may take Amrit.When I feel said I convince myself that I have it spiritually although I never physically took it.I dont know whetrer I shub believe the Amrit I got in my dream makes me Amrithari.In my heart I feel it does I dont care how stuopid or crazy it may sound it makes sense to me.Please keep in in your Ardas that I may Physically take Amrit.Thank you.
Guru Rakha Sada
Teji Kaur

Manvir Singh Khalsa said...

Waheguru Rakha.

Bhaji I am moved by reading what you have written.

If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn't lead anywhere. Sikhi is "sharper than the double-edged sword, and finer than a hair." For this reason Guru Nanak Sahib Ji says:
ਜਉ ਤਉ ਪ੍ਰੇਮ ਖੇਲਣ ਕਾ ਚਾਉ ॥
ਸਿਰੁ ਧਰਿ ਤਲੀ ਗਲੀ ਮੇਰੀ ਆਉ ॥
ਇਤੁ ਮਾਰਗਿ ਪੈਰੁ ਧਰੀਜੈ ॥
ਸਿਰੁ ਦੀਜੈ ਕਾਣਿ ਨ ਕੀਜੈ ॥੨੦॥
"If you desire to play this game of love with Me, then step onto My Path with YOUR HEAD IN HAND. When you place your feet on this Path, give Me your head, and DO NOT PAY ATTENTION TO PUBLIC OPINION. ||20||"
(Ang 1412)

Don't miss opportunities is something I have learnt from life. Life is too short. The Kirtan track being played on blog is by Bhai Rajinder Singh (Singapore Wale). He passed away when he was 35 years old! The Kirtan being played is the Kirtan he sang the NIGHT BEFORE HIS DEATH. Listen to the Kirtan carefully. He knows he is going to die. He re-emphasises "LIFE IS SHORT" so make the most of this chance.

When we go to bed we read in Sohila Sahib:
ਅਉਧ ਘਟੈ ਦਿਨਸੁ ਰੈਣਾਰੇ ॥ ਮਨ ਗੁਰ ਮਿਲਿ ਕਾਜ ਸਵਾਰੇ ॥੧॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥
"This life is (passing by and) diminishing, day and night. O (my) mind! Meet with the Guru, and resolve your affair and work (of this human life). ||1||Pause||"
(Ang 13)


Bhaji, food for thought for you - life's up and downs provide windows of opportunity to determine your values and goals, what is TRULY IMPORTANT TO YOU. Think of using all obstacles as stepping stones to build the life you want. Make your stumbling blocks your building blocks.


Look at the opposition Guru Nanak Sahib Ji faced when he did the TRUE BARGAIN. Pita Mehtaa Kaaloo Jee slapped Guru Nanak Sahib Ji for feeding, clothing and caring for the needs of the helpless and needy.

Look at the Sikh history - we were cut limb by limb, scalped alive, sawn alive, crushed in rotated wheels, burnt alive, pierced with bullets... yet for someone who LOVES THE GURU, LIVES FOR THE GURU, and WILLING TO DIE FOR THE GURU these are small obstacles. If someone LAUGHS at them, says they are STUPID, or says DONT FOLLOW Sikhi, they will smile back in their face and say "Sir Jaava Ta Jaava, Par Meri Sikhi Sidq Na Jaave" (May head can go, but I will never give my Sikh spirit).
ਤੇਰੀ ਭਗਤਿ ਨ ਛੋਡਉ ਭਾਵੈ ਲੋਗੁ ਹਸੈ ॥
teree bhagat na chhoda-o bhaavai log hasai.
"I shall not abandon devotional worship of You, O Lord, even if the people laugh at me."
(Ang 1195)

Naam, Rehat and Amrit are the strength of a Sikh!

Bhai Sahib I don't know what else to say. All I know for sure and which I can share with you is:
ਗਿਆਨੁ ਧਿਆਨੁ ਕਿਛੁ ਕਰਮੁ ਨ ਜਾਣਾ ਸਾਰ ਨ ਜਾਣਾ ਤੇਰੀ ॥
giaan Dhiaan kichh karam na jaaNaa, saar na jaaNaa teree
I know nothing about wisdom, meditation and good deeds; I know nothing about Your excellence.

ਸਭ ਤੇ ਵਡਾ ਸਤਿਗੁਰੁ ਨਾਨਕੁ ਜਿਨਿ ਕਲ ਰਾਖੀ ਮੇਰੀ ॥4॥10॥57॥
sabh te vaddaa satigur naanak, jin kal raakhee meree
Guru Nanak is the greatest of all; He saved my honour in this Dark Age of Kaljug (by showing me the true path to Waheguru). ||4||10||57||
(Ang 750)


May Guru Ji give your strength and guidance to follow your heart's desire.

Bhul chuk maaf.


Ps. Bhai Dya Singh Ji (one of the original Panj Piaare) was not cut up for disobeying Rehit, nor do I know of him disobeying Rehit.

Manvir Singh Khalsa said...

Dear Teji Kaur Bhenji,

I felt my hairs standing up reading your post. So much Bairaag (devotional longing). It is so sad that your parents are not letting you take Amrit.

Chardikala
I so uplifted to hear that you give Daswand, do Nitnem & Simran, keep main Rehit and want to keep Guru's Roop of the Khalsa.

From personal experience, I kept Rehit of 5Ks over a year before taking Amrit. Get used to wearing Kachhera, Kirpan etc. Do you have friends or Sangat who can help with tying a Dastaar (doesn't have to be big - girls I know wear small simple dastaars which seems easy to tie). Your family will most likely totally go against the external appearance of an Amritdhari. However, your Rehit, Amrit and Naam Kamaayee will give your strength and inspiration to be proud of what you believe and what your committed to.

Have you spoken to your parents about why they don't want you take Amrit?
- Usually with girls it is because parents think they will struggle marrying an Amritdhari girl (this has been covered in the article I have written).

- They think a girl wearing a Dastaar (turban) and radiating the Guru's Roop will make you "not fit in" in the family and some parents feel shame to take Amritdhari girls (who keep Rehit of wearing a turban) to parties and family functions. I don't know why. BUT end of day, you don't need to go these functions and parties because SANGAT is all that matters. End of the day, the Guru's daughter is a princess, no one can deny her of her royalty and the beauty projected in the 5Ks and the head crowned with the Dastaar.


Power of Ardaas
I will do Ardaas for you Bhenji and I do a benti (request) to anyone else reading this to pray from their heart that Teji Kaur bhenji and "Believer" bhaji's desire and longing to take Amrit is fulfilled and Guru Sahib has Grace on them.


Guru Ji Amrit Di Daat ta Gursikhi Jeevan Bakshe.


Guru Ang Sang Sahaa-ee.

Anonymous said...

"Believer" ...It is possible for an amritdhaari to be both Sikh and Panjabi... no doubt alot of panjabi culture has been distorted and is now primarily contrary to sikhi, but it is not all bad. The true panjabi culture is entirely in line with gurmat principles.. modest, honest, respectful, loving and hard working people... the aspects that are indicative of panjabi-ness today are what we should seek to avoid.. but with Maharaaj jee's kirpa, one does not even want to be surrounded with such an environment...

MERA RUSSE NA KALGIAA WALE, JUG SARA RUS JAAVE

Pyo mil jaaye kalgidhar vargaa, maata sahib kaur jehee maa mil jaaye, anandpur sahib vargaa thaa mil jaaye, ta horr kee lainaa duniya to...

Wahegurooo

And Teji bhenjee, your longing to take Amrit is inspiring... my prayers are with you... I'm sure Maharaaj will do His kirpa.

Manvir bhaajee.. this kirtan by Rajinder Singh is amazing... i cried for an hour or so yesterday after listening to it... then having read what u wrote above this morning, i realised why... such a gurmukh pyaara singing the baani with so much feeling and emotion will inevitably strike the soul..

WAHEGUROOOO

Teji Kaur said...

Guru Fateh

Thank you so much for your prayers.I think God will definantly take care of me.It is sad my family is so close minded.I might be able to take it behind their backs.Once its done its done.I mean they have to realize life is short and its bigger than the small picture of everyday life.Whaeguru is what keeps a genuine smile on ,my face.Plenty of ppl go around faking hapiness but my heart is really happy.I may be different from other ppl but so what.If everyone is misarable I Want to be different.A sikh cant be ordinary they have to be extraordinary.Life is so short.It is not the time to build up false treasures.I can spend my time working and studying only I can marry a"nice punjabi boy with a lot of money" I can have ahigh paying job , a fancy mansion and a good car.I can take vacations every week BUT I DONT WANT TO.Look at rich ppl .Look at Paris Hilton IS SHE HAPPY? Look at the celerities whose marriges end up in shambles are they happy? They have everything,Popularity,riches,trophy spouses,beauty-Why are they still searching why arent their hearts content?There is no Sukh anywhere bt with God.It is a fact.My parents are scared "Ill lose touch with reality" and I ve already gone far enough(oh my God im getting to emotional tears r comin out.)I am out of touch with reality.The Gursikhi path is the essence of true reality.I wish I cud take everyone and show them my heart and how happy God makes me.My aunt is very suspicous.I go out on walks and do kirtan on the way with my mp3 player.The path makes me tear and smile wholeheartedly.Its kinda funny my Aunt gets all mad and says why r u so happy.She thinks I anm seeing a boy!This world is so crazy.I find myself asking everyday Guru Nanak Dunia Kaisi Hoe(Guru Nanak How is this world.)I thank God day in and day out for my birth as a sikh.I love it.How can ppl be so blind.Sikhi is so great it made peaople like Bhai Mati Das,Bhai Sati Dass,Bhai Dayal Ji,The Shaibzaday,Bhai Mani Singh ,Bhai Taru Singh,Baba Bhanda Singh Bhadur and countless others give up even their life.Baba Deep singh made it form Lahore to Amritsar on the Brinks of Death.There is nothing else in te whole wide world that has this muych bliss that so mny people have died for it.Guruji turned ordianry human beings into angels.One Khalsa is 26000 ordinay men.Hoiw csan we turn our backs on something so great.It is just ignorence and maya which causes ppl to do so.The world upsets me a great deal.Everyone thinks what is real is fake.My family makes fun of the way I "live in my own little lala land."They think I am losing sight of whats real.Yeah like cars money and fake popularity are real.I see it happening everyday at the nursing home I go to.People are sad cold and have been corrupted by the world.ALL A PERSON HAS IS GOD.From him we came and to him we will go.THERE IS NOTHING BESIDES GOD.Everything else will leave in the blink of ane eye.My parents dont see this and wont let me take Amrt .Well they cant stop me no matter how many privalages they take away and how many thapar I get.If they really love me theyll accept htis.
Anyway thank you again 4 your prayers.It is great to get all this put.thanks 4 reading and responding.
Guru Rakha Sadha

Prabhu Singh said...

WaheGuru! That's authentic.
Teji Kaur your inspiration is the beautiful prayer that will bring you amrit.
WaheGuru Ji Ka Khalsa, WaheGuru Ji Ki Fateh!

Anonymous said...

Fateh! I have the same sort of problem where my parents believe just cause i am a girl i wont last long if i marry an amritdhari; so as a consequent they dont let me take amrit. They have also said to me what kind of example will you set to your younger sister and brother. It all too confusing anyone have any suggestions on how i could explain to them. I mean i have tried everything but nothing seems to work. It like talkiing to a wall, all the time when i araise this topic about amrit. They either say og you are too young or they just ingnore the whole situation. it very very hard. anyone have any sugestions please let me know.

and sorry bha ji for writing a long comment.

gurfateh.

Anonymous said...

Gurfateh ji

last year i was in the same place as you paaj it was hard but i spoke to my parents and they were saying that i was too young and that it would be to hard for me but i was saying no im going to if you like it or not. you have to think who are you doing it for yourself or your parents??? i was a compete moni 4days before my ammrit saachar i started wearing a patka and you know what it was the best decisions i ever made and now my whole family support me if you have as much pyar for maharaaj as i have you wouldnt care about what any one say paaj think about it i was 17 when i shacked amrit!!! please please dont let your parents make this choose for you.

Gurfateh ji

Anonymous said...

Basically, my parents are Amritdhari and I want to take Amrit. However they won't let me because they think that i won't get married early. Also, they got really angry and said that if i take it then i have to move out and start working and living on my own, because they don't want to fund my education and my living forever. They said i can take it after i get married, then everyone is happy. What would you do? take it, or wait and see what happens.

Manvir Singh said...

Guru Pyaario

Try and avoid arguing with parents, and instead keep Sehaj (balanced calm mind).

Your parents have most likely not seen many Gursikhs and think that there are not many Gursikhs in the UK. Perhaps introduce them to the Gursikh circle by attending a Rainsbaaee Keertan or any other Sikhi type event where Sangat are getting together. It may open their eyes that there are many Gursikhs.

I would suggest you have a dialogue with your parents and try to address their concerns. So reassure them that elder Gursikhs will do your rishtaa, your Sikhi will help you to do better at education, and help you get blessings to get better job. You need to stress that becoming Amritdhari doesn't mean you give up your education or job! Instead you do your worldly duties whilst having the blessings of Guru jee - so in fact you are advantaged.


If that doesn't work then email me (manvir.khalsa@gmail.com) and perhaps we can get your parents to either speak to an elder Gursikh on the phone or in person.

Hope that helps.

Do Ardaas.... Guru Jee tests our faith and determination. May Guru jee keep you in chardi kalaa.

Manrav Khosa said...

Do Ardas and DUDE They CAN'T say no
Its THE BIGGEST PAAP IF THEY SAY NO
I go to a baba Ji and like he says he would Touch the childs FEET if they wanted to t that age

And also I SEE 2 YEAR OLDS WHO AMRIT SHAKED!(at the Gurdwara)

TejiKaur said...

gurfateh all i was googling something else and i came across this and it bought a smile to my face many years later, I wrote that post when I was about 14 years old (teji kaur), I have now been amrithari for five years since 2009 and I am in law school and wear a dastaar and I am happier every second of every day. Guru ji has not left me through lifes trials and my family has come around and I fall more and more and more and more and more in love with my guru every second andd this love will never break or die and I thank God for amrit every day. Just wanted to let you know it took me five tries to be blessed with amrit. I went around the world. It was guru sahibs test. I went to hazoor sahib and they refused to give me amrit because I was a girl. The fourth attempt was spiritually something. I wrote a poem called tomarrow where I spoke about my excitement about being blessed with amrit. I then cleaned my room and washed all my clothes and put new sheets on my bed. I did this out of my innocence at that age. I thought it was my marrige to Guru Sahib. I did not know what happens on a marriage night between husband and wife at that time but I knew at my cousins wedding they had the most beautiful sheets. I changed my sheets and washed my clothes and put petals on my bed because I thought it would be my wedding with guru sahib. I cleaned my room very nicely and spent all night till amrit vela. I then showered to go to gurudwara sahib. Upon reaching the gurudwara i realized that the amrit sachar was the day before and I had missed it. I was broken and angry and I cried so long. I finally calmed down and told myself that all happens as per guru jis will and guru ji has a reason for everything. I then stood by my bed to do ardas. Inbetween the bed and dresser there was a space. The light was off this whole time. I stood to do ardas and I told myself that everything God does has good in it that we can not see. I then matha taked at the end of ardas and ended up hitting my back on the edge of my bed. It did not hurt but I was already angry with God and I yelled, God if everything you do has a good reason then why did u let me get hurt while i was doing ardas. I was so angry about the amrit still. I got up, did not matha tek and in anger asked in my heart God how is there good in me getting hurt when i was matha taking,i then turned on the light and what i saw shocked me and built up my faith. There was broken glass on the floor at the spot where i would have matha taked. had i not hurt my back, my eye would have gone into the glass and i would have gotten hurt very seriously. my head would have hit the broken glass with force. After seeing how guru ji was so amazing and blessed me, like bani says tum karo bhalla hum bhallo na jaane--- God does good but we do not see it as Good, God is always merciful, after that my faith strengthened and I was blessed with amrit the next year..........now it has been five amazing years :) just wanted to let everyone know that the above story has a happy ending or shall i say a happy beginning :)